Teens, teens everywhere

 So, last week, Emma turned 13. She's officially a teen. I feel like we got a grace period with Jackson and he didn't really start being a true teen until 14. 

I was putting his childhood items away yesterday and having waves of saddness assail me. No one warns you about how damn sad it is to put away your kid's special stuffies and blankets and trucks and things they loved and couldn't go without. 

Last summer, Jack all of a sudden took his "Beary and Monkey monk" from the corner of his bed and chucked them on the floor. He told me he was done with them and I nearly cried right there in front of him. And the dumb thing is, I WANT him to grow up and be a man and do all the things he is going to do. But, my goodness do I miss that little, sweet blond headed, grubby boy! The little boy who was never happier then when he was building something out of tape, or cardboard and popcicle sticks. Or the boy who would snuggle up to me ALL the time because that's how he felt safe. 

Oof. I think I've cried more about him growing up than I ever did when we were dealing with some of the really hard stuff when he was young. 

I think back on it now and I am astonished by how faithful God has been in so many situations regarding Jack. 

When we were really struggling with his constant nighttime accidents, I had no idea what was happening or what to do to help him. I remember laying in my bed one Sunday morning, very early, awake because he had woken me up for the 3rd time in one night, completely soaked. I got on my phone and started looking at Facebook for bed wetting groups. When he got up, he was sitting by me on the couch, really down because of course he hated what was happening and had no control over it at all. 

I pulled the group up and showed it to him. There were like 1200 people in the group and I told him, Jack look at all these people who are dealing with the same thing. You aren't alone and it's not unusual and we will find help for you. I don't think I will ever forget the look he gave me when I said that. Hope, trust, relief. 

Because of that group I found a program called Therapee and though it took a while, it worked! He went from completely flooding his bed sometimes multiple times a night, to small little spots, to days between wettings, to weeks and then months. He had a few relapses when he was under stress, but never as bad as it was before we did the program. 

Something that I did right. Thank God!

There are many more that I will write about at some point. I want to remember the stories and the times because I am on uncertain footing now with him. He's 15 and growing more and more away from me, AS HE SHOULD, but ouch it feels awful. And I miss my little boy. I never expected the grief I feel about him growing up. 

Emma Joy is so different in every way and has never needed me the same way that Jack does. I would say in fact, that she has gotten closer to me in the last handful of years, because she decided she needed me when she started going through puberty. 

She has always been so much more independant and capable than the other two, I find myself wanting to be careful that she knows that she doesn't always have to have everything together. She's allowed to need help and to ask questions and not know! She was really upset a few weeks ago when she was doing gel on her nails and she messed it up. I came in and helped her fix them, and she cried because she didn't know how to do it the right way. I was like, girl! It's OK for you not to know and need to ask! That's what I'm for! 

She's truly such a cool kid. I like her more and more as she gets older. Her sense of humor is great and her perspectives are interesting and fun. I am really thankful that my kids are turning into people I want to hang out with. On purpose. Because I want to, not because I have too. 

I have so much more to say, but I don't want to keep typing but here are some spring time pictures of my family. 

2026 - A Whole New World

 Holy cow! It's been eleven years since I wrote anything here. In fact, I completely forgot about it. I was confused because I knew when I posted Jackson's birth story, I had included a picture. Apparently, when I posted on my other "pregnancy" blogg, I didn't include it. 

I poked around and was like "ooohhhh yaaaa! My Life in a Nutshell". It's been an age. Almost a life time. 

Three kids, 15, nearly 13 and 10. I can't even begin to encapsolate all that has gone on since 2015 to now. Hopefully I have done some maturing and learned some good lessons and I have definitely had a lot of fun, a lot of stress, a lot of heartache and lots of messing around and doing nothing productive. 

In fact that is kind of why I decided to do a post. I need a hobby. I have been super annoyed at myself for how addicted I am to social media and my effing phone. (I curse a lot these days. I think it comes with being in my forties. Dan thinks it's because of what I listen too. Both can be true... :) 

I find myself just vegging out on my phone instead of doing anything creative or interesting. I have no excuse. I could sew, I could work on the photo books I've been trying to get done for years, I could do puzzles, I could read. I could find something else to do. But I play games and scroll social media instead. 

What a looser.  I want to do better. 

Some things that are going on that I am excited about. 

• We are going on a trip in 27 days. I am so ready for this. We're going to Arizona to see Grandma and then over to Hawaii. It's going to be amazing. I am really excited to show the kids Arizona as it's a completely different world from any they have ever seen or experienced. I am delighted to go back to Hawaii. I love Hawaii. I love the ocean and the air that is like a warm hug carressing you and the vibe and the relaxation of stepping away from normal life and being with the best people on earth. (My family that is. ) 

• Spring - dear God, it might actually be happening. After the coldest, most horrible winter in seventy years, we might finally, on April 23, finally be getting spring. I saw many swans, always a positive talisman, the snow is melting, even though the fields are still completely covered. I know. It's going to be windy as hell tonight and tomorrow, but it should help dry it up and it melts. 
• Jackson is getting into making things again. After a long arduous winter where he was obscessed with calisthenics and then mostly YouTube. He's rebuilding his GoKart and an old crappy quad. I love it. I love his creaitve ability to picture something and then actually get there. He's quite a dude. He finally surpased me in height this last winter and is also a really good looking kid.

• Emma is turning 13 next week. I am so excited. She is becoming such a cool person. Infinitely capabale, smart as a whip, beautiful all with a fantastic sense of humor. She is in the leggy stage of developement along with boobs and increasing curves. She is very much shaped like her dad (lucky girl) and she's going to be a knock out sooner than later. Beautiful smile, blue eyes, lovely wavy hair.  We got her a Gabb phone for her birthday and I know she's going to be so excited about it. It makes me happy to think about giving her the birthday presents I have been plotting to give her for so long. She is also extremely organized and I can rely on her so much even at such a young age. 

• Juliet. Oh Julie wooly. She is a tremendous girl. She has more artistic talent in her little finger, than I have in my whole body. She can whip out the most amazing paintings and crafted creatures as the drop of a hat. She is in the super emotional stage, I remember Emma going through. It's all about helping her deal with her emotions and giving her tools that she can use to not flip out over every small thing. She is so beautiful. Giant blue eyes, contagious smile and giggle and golden brown hair. She's very into fashion and has her own style, which I love. 

• We got a bunch of new clothes for the trip and they are so excited about them and packing and it makes the whole trip even more fun to plan the outfits and the packing and all the little details that are half the fun of going on a trip. 
• Summer is going to be busy and crazy as usual but the thing that I look forward to MOST is blueberry picking. We are going to go camping up at Tangle and pick until I can't stand up anymore. I can't even express fully how much peace and joy I get from sitting on the side of a hill, being attacked by millions of black flies, picking blueberries and listening to audio books. I look forward to it every year and dream about it at times. It's the most wonderful thing in the world. Especially when we get to spend a few nights and not have to worry about driving all the way up and back in the same day. The Mitchells are coming up too, which makes it really fun for the kids. 
• Hopefully Denise will come over to visit. I will tell you about Denise another day. It's a long and intresting story. I have a few that I want to write down here because the really important things need to be remembered in detail so that they don't disappear into the mists of time. It makes me sad whenever I realize just how much of my life I have forgotten already. The benefit of the damn smart phones, is that I have millions of photos and videos to help me remember some things, but there is so much undocumented that I have forgotten. 

So here is a start and hopefully I can begin a habit of writing a bit more. It's a fantastic outlet and something that I have really enjoyed at different times in my life. No promises, but some good intentions anyway. 

Quotes by kids

"There are sooo many Emma's in the whole world and you're my best one!" - Jackson
"Can I drive wetending?" Emma
"Would you like some of my Wetend yummy tea?" - Emma
"Good job singing, Mom." - Emma

"I'm a very special Emma and you're a very special Daddy " - emma
"Why is that lady freaking out?" - Emma
"I AM so cute.!" - Emma after I told her that she wasn't cute.
When explaining to me why he told Valery that he likes Brady better, "She just looks better, Mom." - Jackson

The Beginning of new things

Today is the first day of school for Jackson. I know! WHAT!?!?! How can he be in Pre-K already? I am so excited for him to take this new step. I think the challenge and the change will be so good for him and I can't wait to see how he develops. Of course, there are going to be difficulties. He will have to listen a lot better to his teachers then he does to me. But I think it will be really good.

Emma is now a "helper". She is becoming one too. Though she still spreads ruin and desolation, she does manage to be a help at times too. :) I am so excited that my kids are growing up to become people. I know that's kind of like the sky is blue, but really it sometimes feels like they are always babies and then the world changes and they are different.

I am also getting excited about this little one in my belly. I can't wait till she's born and our family is complete. It will be so fun to see the new dynamic develop. Jack is already so sweet about her and Emma is a natural care taker if ever there was one. I am well aware that there will be fighting and what not, but hopefully there's lots of fun and laughs and family snuggles. Also adventures. I love doing family adventures!

A caring heart

Just a little story that I don't want to forget.

A week or two ago, I was exercising outside, doing wall ball. On the very last rep, I threw the ball up and then looked over at my kids. I caught the ball on my ear which hurt like hell. I started crying and Emma instantly got very upset and started crying too. She came running over to me and threw her arms around my neck, asking if I was OK. And then kissed my head. Then the other night, she headed my with her head when she was attempting to snuggle with me. She cried and cried and my eyes were watering. She put her head down on my shoulder to cry and then looked up still crying, "Mommy, you OK? Sorry Mommy." It was so cute, how she was still so concerned for me though she was hurting herself.

The other fun thing was we told Jackson that he was having a baby last night. His eyes immediately lit up and he poked my stomach and said "for real life?" And then he really wanted to tell everybody. I told him he had to keep it a secret for a little bit longer, but in a few days he could get up and tell everyone, and he was VERY excited about it.

I love my kiddos. They are so fun and I am looking forward to the challenge of another one. : )

Adventures with youngsters

This spring has been one of comparative freedom to the previous years. Emma is old enough to go without a nap in the morning and they can stretch their afternoon nap to 2:30. So we have all the hours between 8 and 2:30 for adventures! 

I love taking them on adventures and seeing how much delight they get from discovering some small hidden puddle, or throwing rocks off a bridge into the water below, or finding our own path through the woods. We have enjoyed our spring very much this year. 

We've visited the island more times then I can count. Usually through in a truck load of rocks off the bridge in the process. We've mud puddles our way around the farm, walked to the very tip of the island, stood in the river in our mud boots to examine the old bull dozers chassy that is in the middle of the slough, we've walked across the frozen Moose pond to see the ponds beyond and summitted the bluff to partake of the view and the crocuses. 

Spring has always been a favorite season of mine and with two adventurous kiddos, it makes it even more magical to come outside after the long winter. 

On to summer with swimming and running around with little to no clothes on and finding all the interesting things there are to find in summer! 

   

My kids are getting BIG!

Emma is getting so big it just amazes me. She has kinda sorta stared potty training. She's peed a bunch of times and pooped once. I don't think she is quite right, but she is not even two yet, so if I see her acting like she is intent, I'll go for it.

She put on all her brothers out door gear tonight. Including one mitten. She is amazing. She talks in whole sentences and even paragraphs. She is learning new words all the time and it is so fun to hear her express herself.

Jackson is also growing and so imaginative. He can make up a game out of anything. He was playing super hero tonight. Saying, "Are you in trouble? Here comes SUPER HERO!" It was quite cute.

We just got back from a trip to see my family and they did really well being in the car for six days. For the most part. What was so fun was seeing them in the pool. Jackson was so brave! He loved the slides and went all by himself and really big one in Grand Prairie. It was so impressive. He just got on and away he went.
Then on the slide in Whitehorse, he would flop around on his belly going head first. He LOVED it! Emma was a lot slower to like the water but after a couple times she really started getting comfortable in it. She liked going down the red slide, but she asked me continually if I was going to hold her. "Mamma hold me? Mamma let go Emma, No?" I told her over and over that I wouldn't ever let her go and she was safe. She was really cute.

She is really sick at the moment and it's so sad to hear her gasping and coughing and sad. She had a fever of 104 today and slept for 3.5 hours this afternoon. I am hoping that with the increase in coughing,  she is starting to have the congestion break up in her chest.

I love my kiddos. I want to make sure that I spend good quality time with each of them so that they feel special.

Jackson and I had a conversation the other night about how much we loved each other. He asked me if I liked him more then I liked Isaac. I told him he was my favorite. He told me he loved me more then Beary. I told him I loved him more then everything. He asked if I loved him more then the moon. And then more then the house and everything in it. And then more then all the stuff I had. I told him that I loved him and Emma and Dad more then anyone or anything else in the world. And then he grinned.