Teens, teens everywhere

 So, last week, Emma turned 13. She's officially a teen. I feel like we got a grace period with Jackson and he didn't really start being a true teen until 14. 

I was putting his childhood items away yesterday and having waves of saddness assail me. No one warns you about how damn sad it is to put away your kid's special stuffies and blankets and trucks and things they loved and couldn't go without. 

Last summer, Jack all of a sudden took his "Beary and Monkey monk" from the corner of his bed and chucked them on the floor. He told me he was done with them and I nearly cried right there in front of him. And the dumb thing is, I WANT him to grow up and be a man and do all the things he is going to do. But, my goodness do I miss that little, sweet blond headed, grubby boy! The little boy who was never happier then when he was building something out of tape, or cardboard and popcicle sticks. Or the boy who would snuggle up to me ALL the time because that's how he felt safe. 

Oof. I think I've cried more about him growing up than I ever did when we were dealing with some of the really hard stuff when he was young. 

I think back on it now and I am astonished by how faithful God has been in so many situations regarding Jack. 

When we were really struggling with his constant nighttime accidents, I had no idea what was happening or what to do to help him. I remember laying in my bed one Sunday morning, very early, awake because he had woken me up for the 3rd time in one night, completely soaked. I got on my phone and started looking at Facebook for bed wetting groups. When he got up, he was sitting by me on the couch, really down because of course he hated what was happening and had no control over it at all. 

I pulled the group up and showed it to him. There were like 1200 people in the group and I told him, Jack look at all these people who are dealing with the same thing. You aren't alone and it's not unusual and we will find help for you. I don't think I will ever forget the look he gave me when I said that. Hope, trust, relief. 

Because of that group I found a program called Therapee and though it took a while, it worked! He went from completely flooding his bed sometimes multiple times a night, to small little spots, to days between wettings, to weeks and then months. He had a few relapses when he was under stress, but never as bad as it was before we did the program. 

Something that I did right. Thank God!

There are many more that I will write about at some point. I want to remember the stories and the times because I am on uncertain footing now with him. He's 15 and growing more and more away from me, AS HE SHOULD, but ouch it feels awful. And I miss my little boy. I never expected the grief I feel about him growing up. 

Emma Joy is so different in every way and has never needed me the same way that Jack does. I would say in fact, that she has gotten closer to me in the last handful of years, because she decided she needed me when she started going through puberty. 

She has always been so much more independant and capable than the other two, I find myself wanting to be careful that she knows that she doesn't always have to have everything together. She's allowed to need help and to ask questions and not know! She was really upset a few weeks ago when she was doing gel on her nails and she messed it up. I came in and helped her fix them, and she cried because she didn't know how to do it the right way. I was like, girl! It's OK for you not to know and need to ask! That's what I'm for! 

She's truly such a cool kid. I like her more and more as she gets older. Her sense of humor is great and her perspectives are interesting and fun. I am really thankful that my kids are turning into people I want to hang out with. On purpose. Because I want to, not because I have too. 

I have so much more to say, but I don't want to keep typing but here are some spring time pictures of my family. 

2026 - A Whole New World

 Holy cow! It's been eleven years since I wrote anything here. In fact, I completely forgot about it. I was confused because I knew when I posted Jackson's birth story, I had included a picture. Apparently, when I posted on my other "pregnancy" blogg, I didn't include it. 

I poked around and was like "ooohhhh yaaaa! My Life in a Nutshell". It's been an age. Almost a life time. 

Three kids, 15, nearly 13 and 10. I can't even begin to encapsolate all that has gone on since 2015 to now. Hopefully I have done some maturing and learned some good lessons and I have definitely had a lot of fun, a lot of stress, a lot of heartache and lots of messing around and doing nothing productive. 

In fact that is kind of why I decided to do a post. I need a hobby. I have been super annoyed at myself for how addicted I am to social media and my effing phone. (I curse a lot these days. I think it comes with being in my forties. Dan thinks it's because of what I listen too. Both can be true... :) 

I find myself just vegging out on my phone instead of doing anything creative or interesting. I have no excuse. I could sew, I could work on the photo books I've been trying to get done for years, I could do puzzles, I could read. I could find something else to do. But I play games and scroll social media instead. 

What a looser.  I want to do better. 

Some things that are going on that I am excited about. 

• We are going on a trip in 27 days. I am so ready for this. We're going to Arizona to see Grandma and then over to Hawaii. It's going to be amazing. I am really excited to show the kids Arizona as it's a completely different world from any they have ever seen or experienced. I am delighted to go back to Hawaii. I love Hawaii. I love the ocean and the air that is like a warm hug carressing you and the vibe and the relaxation of stepping away from normal life and being with the best people on earth. (My family that is. ) 

• Spring - dear God, it might actually be happening. After the coldest, most horrible winter in seventy years, we might finally, on April 23, finally be getting spring. I saw many swans, always a positive talisman, the snow is melting, even though the fields are still completely covered. I know. It's going to be windy as hell tonight and tomorrow, but it should help dry it up and it melts. 
• Jackson is getting into making things again. After a long arduous winter where he was obscessed with calisthenics and then mostly YouTube. He's rebuilding his GoKart and an old crappy quad. I love it. I love his creaitve ability to picture something and then actually get there. He's quite a dude. He finally surpased me in height this last winter and is also a really good looking kid.

• Emma is turning 13 next week. I am so excited. She is becoming such a cool person. Infinitely capabale, smart as a whip, beautiful all with a fantastic sense of humor. She is in the leggy stage of developement along with boobs and increasing curves. She is very much shaped like her dad (lucky girl) and she's going to be a knock out sooner than later. Beautiful smile, blue eyes, lovely wavy hair.  We got her a Gabb phone for her birthday and I know she's going to be so excited about it. It makes me happy to think about giving her the birthday presents I have been plotting to give her for so long. She is also extremely organized and I can rely on her so much even at such a young age. 

• Juliet. Oh Julie wooly. She is a tremendous girl. She has more artistic talent in her little finger, than I have in my whole body. She can whip out the most amazing paintings and crafted creatures as the drop of a hat. She is in the super emotional stage, I remember Emma going through. It's all about helping her deal with her emotions and giving her tools that she can use to not flip out over every small thing. She is so beautiful. Giant blue eyes, contagious smile and giggle and golden brown hair. She's very into fashion and has her own style, which I love. 

• We got a bunch of new clothes for the trip and they are so excited about them and packing and it makes the whole trip even more fun to plan the outfits and the packing and all the little details that are half the fun of going on a trip. 
• Summer is going to be busy and crazy as usual but the thing that I look forward to MOST is blueberry picking. We are going to go camping up at Tangle and pick until I can't stand up anymore. I can't even express fully how much peace and joy I get from sitting on the side of a hill, being attacked by millions of black flies, picking blueberries and listening to audio books. I look forward to it every year and dream about it at times. It's the most wonderful thing in the world. Especially when we get to spend a few nights and not have to worry about driving all the way up and back in the same day. The Mitchells are coming up too, which makes it really fun for the kids. 
• Hopefully Denise will come over to visit. I will tell you about Denise another day. It's a long and intresting story. I have a few that I want to write down here because the really important things need to be remembered in detail so that they don't disappear into the mists of time. It makes me sad whenever I realize just how much of my life I have forgotten already. The benefit of the damn smart phones, is that I have millions of photos and videos to help me remember some things, but there is so much undocumented that I have forgotten. 

So here is a start and hopefully I can begin a habit of writing a bit more. It's a fantastic outlet and something that I have really enjoyed at different times in my life. No promises, but some good intentions anyway.