Well Let's reflect

I had a wonderful talk with Steven yesterday. Thank God for good friends. Life would not be half as rich without friends. We talked about a wide variety of things. One of the things I still struggle with is trusting. I will trust. It's really something that takes sowing continually. Anyway, just a thought. I want this month to be OVER!!! AND I want a VACATION!!!!!!! Seriously. I would LOVE to spend three weeks doing nothing. Laying on the beach, tanning myself to darkness! Sounds splended!
Ok that's enough of that.
Ta

Merry Valentine's Day

We had SUCH a fun time last night! I have to write about it because it was so funny..
We came home from dinner and decided to make valentines day cards for each other. Then after completely that, we ate pizza and played slap-jack. I haven't laughed so hard in a while.. even though we both sustained injuries, it was just the funnest! By the end of the night we were tired from laughing so hard and being a wee bit violent in the attempt to "slap" first. It was great!

A lovely day

It's February... a year ago yesterday I broke up with Dan.. hmm funny to think how much has changed since then. Hard thing to do, but definitely the right thing.. Wednesday we had a great service. We worshipped then prophesied for about an hour or so, then worshipped again. It's always so uplifting to be part of services like that. Especially if you enter in to what is happening..
In other news, I moved into the school, which is great! I am living with Kylie, and our room is very nice. We both have similar taste in colors, etc and it looks really good together. Hopefully the next time I move, it will be in with Dan. There's a thought. I have moved ten times in the last 6 and half years. There's another thought. I am altogether tired of moving. And the more people tell me that "you're not off so bad, so and so had to move this many times" makes me all the more cranky about it. Oh well. It will end some day. At least it will get less after I have ten kids. Wait, I'm not going to have ten kids, so oh well.
Ok, well I am all done doing this, so a cheerful hello to all if any of you who read this.

AH HA

Poor Dan.. he had a bad day yesterday, and a hard day today. So sad... oh well. But I on the other hand am perfect.. ok so that's not entirely true. I do get to run tonight which I am not looking forward too. But that's fine as well. It's good to run. I am really glad that I've trained myself to exercise. Ok, I just saw something so disturbing!!!! Now we get to enjoy a lesbian romance, after the first major love story of gay cowboys. Yahoo... we live in such a sick and terrible world. Honestly... it's become normal to be a nasty individual.. fine to tell our kids that Daddy and Daddy is good and normal.. Lord come quickly. It's a terrible thing to see the decline of society.
But there is hope at least. And I refuse to ever except the perversity as normal and ok... or become immune to it. I always want to feel the disgust and nastiness!!!
Ok, well I must go. Ta

I've Not Gone Far

That statement is not ment to suggest that things are boring at this time in my life. In face things are very interesting. We just had convention. Wow. All I can say is wow. It was so good. Every speaker had an anointed word, and every worship service was really good. The word that is ringing in my ears was John B. In fact I think most everyone is still thinking about it. It was such the grace of God for me to hear that word. Sometimes you feel like you're drifting and losing the vision that you had. And then you get a trumpet call loud and clear reminding you what you saw and what your calling is.
It was so good and I'm going to listen to it again. And read Esther. It's so true though, that unless the spirit inspires you, you don't understand.
Anyway, I thought that for all and any of the readers out there, that I should really blog again.
But really I like my journal better. People can't get offended by what i write in there and it's a lot safer. But that's fine too. I'll just keep the fun stories and breif thoughts for this.

Interesting times

We live in interesting times. There that is the statement of the day. Besides being mocked at my place of work, all things are good. Except that Danny is still at SM. But tomorrow night he returns and I will rush up to him and say hi and smile. A wee bit of an anti-climax, but that what happens when you walk it out. I had a very good conversation with Jinni yesterday and got very excited. YEAH! I will not elaborate. So there. What I am really excited about right now, is that we have a marvalous new copier/scanner/printer/fax/flying machine. It works beautifully! I loff it! Oh and Amy will be home soon which is another very good thing. Anyway, what the hey, I need to go, tata.

Wow

Well, there's never a moments rest. My office is still in turmoil and I can't handle it another second! I know it's a good cause, but fans in my ears and my papers flying about my desk as well as drywall dust and paint dripping all over my things and myself. I am so annoyed. It's ok though. I will calm down and go take a shower. Other then that my life is good. Dan is going to sm, that happens every now and then. Oh well. Other then that, the road is out and I am tired. Happy happy. I have to leave now, so I'll be cheerful some other time.

My life in turmoil

Ok, not my life, but my office, which in some ways is the same thing. Oh by the way has anyone bothered to look at the moon recently? It has been totally breath-taking the last couple of mornings as I struggled up the hill to breakfast. It is such a difficult thing to awake in the morning! Maybe my body simply needs more rest. But then again, I wouldn't be able to spend as much time with people if I went to bed. hmmm such a descission. I am pleased to announce that I have survived two days of work in the construction zone that is my office. Though I got dusted severly with drywall dust! It is such an irritation to have a coating of dirt all over your office.. and everything in it including papers and yourself. But that's fine. It's worth it, to have a new and improved office.
All for now, I had a funny story to write in here, but then I completely forgot it, so such is life. Maybe I'll remember it.
Probably not.

A short story

I was walking up to the tab and saw Bonny (the dog) trotting toward me. She had a leg in her mouth.. I think it was a cow leg, but who knows? I offered her my biscotti because I no longer desired to eat it. She accepted, dropping her leg and taking the biscotti to the side of the road to eat it in piece. I walked on, not thinking anymore about her. However, halfway up the hill, she began to bark after me. I turned and she came trotting toward me again, having left her leg in the middle of the road where she dropped it. She caught up and gave me a sniff to be sure I didn't have any other food stuff about me person, then continued on in front of me, barking a warning that I was coming. She did this all the way to the Cedar House. I thought it mildley amusing so I decided to immortalise it as it were, here on my blog... And there you have it. A short story.

Hell and more hell

Ouch! Pain and shaking etc. The last two days have been entirely horrible.... I think that I am in a test...:) In fact I know it, and I want to pass it and come out better on the other side. I won't go into details. I really need to get through this. Hopefully tonight, I'll be able to have the conversation that will resolve all of this. Lord help... I need you right quick.

Ode to Dan

This is dedicated to dan. Mostly because he's awesome, but specifically because he took care of me recently in my convelesence... I got very ill early one morning and threw up. My beloved, after doing barn, (those of you who know anything about milking cows, know that this involves getting up very early.4:30) and found out that I was sick, so he covered making breakfast at six, after coming in from barn, then when all that was all done,he came down the shop with Gingerale, and crackers and said very nice things to me and promised he'd come back later. It was so cool to wake up and see him walk through the door. It was very dark in the room, so I could only see his outline, but I knew it was him right away. Then he came back at 11:30 and took care of me the rest of the day. Not letting me get anything and helping as much as he could. He even read to me for like four hours. What a great guy! I know now more then ever that I want to marry him. Everyone was saying how sweet he was etc.. GRIN!!! !I love it! He's simply the best!

Off the ends off the earth

For all of you who thought that I had fallen off the ends of the earth, I did, it was great!.. Ok, so no, I was only sick for a couple of days, which sucks! There is a horrible bug going around that causes normally sturdy folk to wretch out there insides... It's quite disgusting.. anyway, despite being of a strong constitution, I got the nasty sickness. All that said, I hope everyone is well and polkie, I didn't even know you were leaving until you had left! I mean hello??? I hope you have a great trip! Love ya... Boji, let me know what happens in your life, I love ya tons... And Danny.. ha! I small triumph for Janelle! I am petty and nasty and I neet to be prayed for, but I am SO glad that he's mine and not that other persons! hhehehehehehh.. all of you close friends know whom I am refering too.... I'll give you some details in a less public forem if you want.. Love to all

A quickie

This is going to be very short because I am at work and I should be.... you know, working.. Anyway, I didn't want to keep neglecting this because I tend to allow myself to totally digress when it comes to writing things down. I did actually write in my journal the other night. Very impressive, it's been a long time. And I even wrote fun things. I wrote down a bunch of funny times that Dan and I had this last summer. It was good to remember things and laugh and chuckle. I also got to talk to Boj today. YEAH!!!! I miss her bunches and really hope that she's ok. Ok, this just in, I just saw a man (who is insane) riding in his little model t or whatever the heck it is, convertable, yes a convertable in the WINTER of ALASKA!!!! drive by the window! He must be completely freezing! Honestly, it's like 15 below out there! I can't even fathom riding in an open-top car in the winter.. i mean it's hardly warm enough in the summer months. Ok, sorry my shock got the better of me. Anyhoo, that's really all I am going to write about. Oh that and I won chinese checkers last night! yeah for me! (Dan always wins everything!)

AHHHHHHHHHHKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!

That was the sound I made yesterday when Johnny P jumped out from behind the parts shelf with a deafening yell, and scarred the crap out of me. The worst thing about it, was that it was a combined effort of Seth, Aaron and Johnny. Aaron was pretending to work behind my desk, just lying in wait to video the scare, and then Seth and Johnny snuck up the aisle. It really was very effective and I nearly had a heart attack. Then I went downstairs a while later, and johnny scared me again. It was just so wrong... It didn't help that the fire alarm had been going off randomly all day and my nerves were shot. Not very pleasant really. It was terrific.. such a funny word. So anyhoo, then we had an awesome service, with worship and prophesying and prayer. Very good and very powerful. I shall return to work now.

Let's see if this works

These are more fun pics from the island thing... Boj, you look great!!!!

What an upheaval

I decided that if I'm going to be able to fight properly, I need to have the right tools to fight. So in that course of action in mind, I have been listening to word non stop, and trying to change the way I think. I think it was Emerson who said that we become and act out on what is in our minds. Which is so true. Anyway, it's been really good. I listen to the Jane tapes yesterday as well as Tony Cardenas, and some of Frank Lopez. All was really good. The Jane story was very intense of course, and it's so cool to know the end of the matter. I love that she overcame the rest of her life and was never run by devils again.
Danny is back, yeah hurray, which is great, and so are Seth and Rebecca, which of course is wonderful. All in all, I am tired, but doing pretty well.

It has been a while

I was away from a computer for a few days, and then I just didn't feel like writing down any thoughts, let alone thoughts worth the time to write. But here I am at last. (Paul I finally wrote a response if you are interested in reading it.) Anyway, Danny Darling.. (that sounds quite humerous) has left me for a whole week. While this is very sad, it is also a time to go around visiting all those I haven't seen for a great while. Sometimes it takes such a lot of energy to have relationships with people. Sad that I am such a lazy girl. Not really. Let's see. Oh I have continued on my journey of listening to good things to inspire me to be a better person. Though we all know that goodness comes from inside not from what you hear. But maybe I can translate it into something that I am. That would be good. I find that by leaving room for excuses such as "it's so hard", you leave too much room to do whatever you want, instead of what you know you should do. I guess I have to see it as something that I want, more then anything else. I am not going to elaborate, because I don't feel like it, and I'm not sure that I want that much of me public. Anyhoo, I am being very weird and cryptic tonight. Must have something to do with the book I just read. I am going to stop typing now. Good. All done.

Thoughts

Well, I am sitting here, emotionally traumatized. Not in a bad way at all. The last two days have been very good. I listened to a Sam Fife tape in the cheese room yesterday. It was so good to listen to it. It's really important to know where we come from and how this whole thing started.. (for anyone who doesn't know who Sam Fife is, he was the guy who started the church) The tape was right around the time he was preaching the wilderness message, and he went back and explained exactly why we were moving that way. He talked about when he first heard the Giddeon and his three hundred message from God. How he knew God was telling him that he was seperating a people, a priviledged people, who by loving God and seperating themselves, they would overcome the flesh and be able to defeat death. He talked about the scripture, "By man death, by man also resurrection " In other words it was man who brought the death experience into the world and it's going to be man who defeats death and brings resurrection life. It was so stirring. I was really overwhelmed with the hugeness of this calling. To defeat death. Talk about something to attain to. I also feel so priviledged to have been raised in this move and to have been given understanding and also to see the vision. It's spectacular. Then this morning, instead of having service we gathered and worshipped for about two hours for Mary Elis (who is dying of cancer).. we sang songs and then went into worship and people sang psalms (for those of you who are not familiar with this, it is basically a singing a song to the Lord, one that you make up on the spot. It's very beautiful) and I was so overcome by the cry that God would not leave us in the wilderness but that he would complete this work that He started and not leave us. It's such a beautiful thing. The body, everyone fighting for each other. It was tremendously ecouraging. I was totally broken and stood there crying for a long time. The beauty of what God has done is just incredible. The cry of my heart now is for God to finish it and to keep all those that He has called.
I was talking to Nannette yesterday, talking about marters and stuff, and saying how it's very easy to stay close to the Lord when you are in trouble or fear or danger, but how it's the every day complacence that will kill us. It's so suttle. It sneeks up on you and you don't even realize it, until you're half dead. It's really tricky. I am filled with a hunger for the word. I want to know the foundation, so I can stand when I get shaken. I love this word and I love the vision, I don't ever want to lose that. There is such a confirmation in my spirit about it, and I believe it with all my heart and being. Anyway, I needed to write this before it became less clear and faded.

20th Blog

Well here is a celebration. My 20th blog post. Also yesterday Dan and I hit the halfway marker. I hate walking it out. I really do. It is SO frustrating! I just want to yell sometimes. It doesn't matter how many times you can past the blasted test, you still have to face it again the next day. I love Danny dearly and will marry him and sure as anything, but I am SO all done with having to fight every minute of every moment with him to keep my hands off him, and keep his off me. It's SO IRRITATING!!!!! We do only have another six months till our year is up, but then there is still another five until we get to the alter. But I the thing is I do want to do this right and please God and have that blessing on our relationship. I just forget that occasionally. But at least we have to fight together. If nothing else, it will teach us that. To fight for what we know is right, though it is completely the opposite of what we want. Grr. On a happier note, we had the most amazing conversation the other night. I won't get into all the details, but the overview is that he want's into places that I've kept very guarded. I never new what an introvert I was until he started trying to get through the walls. I've built a lot because of being hurt. And then there is the whole thing of not wanting to seem weak, and a pushover.. I've definitely over compensated for it. We both ended up sobbing and I've never felt so open and naked in front of someone. But it was so good because I know that I can trust him. It's awesome to see a relationship growing and becoming deeper. It's very exciting. Anyway, this week was one of much emtion. Lot's of trauma. The Ekstroms leaving sort of put the cherry on top of it all. I am still dealing with anger about it. Then there is always the whole tragic thing with Patrick and Erika and Chris and Cara. It's very sad to see them in their current states of hardship. I feel very much for Chris and Cara, but you know that this will either make their relationship, or it will prove it isn't the right one. I hope that it's the first not the latter. Andway, I will now stop and return to work. I might need to come back soon, though.. my mind is still heavy.

Hardship

Ok, well in the face of some very difficult things, I am having a VERY difficult time being loving and not walling off to the Ekstroms before they leave. Tomorrow. Not all of them, just Carl and Denise. I find it amazing that someone would be here for sixteen years doing something that they didn't believe. It boggles the mind! It also makes me really mad that they would teach their kids something that they really didn't believe and then stand up and make that declaration. It really makes me angry.. Lord help me love them... Anyway, besides that, things are fine, well not really... there has been a lot of heaviness recently because of all the major things that have happend. The Diases, Tom Blohm, all the cuffufle of the businesses, Bill leaving, the Ekstroms..etc. But I guess there is always the light side. Dan.. what a wonderful thing to always have someone who will cheer you up a wee bit. I really love him, and every day a lot more. It's a wonderful thing. Hey and we're almost halfway through the year. YES! FINALLY!!! Unfortunately, we still have 11 months before we actually get married. But that will be ok. Eventually. As I told Chris about Cara leaving. Eventually he'll see this seperation as a really beneficial thing for their relationship, but right now it's kind of hard. I really hope she comes back.. I'll miss her very badly. Ok, I think I want to be done ranting now. I am tired of it and it will only take up more valuable time.