Parenting

What makes a good parent? What choices do you have to make to fit that mold? And what in tartnation does that mold look like? I was totally sucked into reading a LONG article on vaccinations and basically the stupidity of people who don't vaccinate. I also found another blog about why there are those of us who question the establishment and don't vaccinate our children. It made me reexamine my motives and reasons for not vaccinating.

Here are the blogs.
Pro vaccinate: http://bostonwed-murakami.blogspot.com/2013/09/vaccination-laypersons-perspective_26.html?m=1

Anti vaccinate:http://www.modernalternativemama.com/blog/2013/08/26/monday-health-wellness-why-the-anti-vaccine-movement-exists/

My initial reaction when reading pro vax stuff is instant distrust and anger at being called irresponsible, ignorant, neglectful, stupid, unwise etc etc etc. It pisses me off that the immediate response of so many is that "you idiot, you believe false information and are going to not only kill your child, but all the people with weakened immune systems!"
My reasons for not vaccinating?

1. I think that part of the reason my mom felt not to vaccinate us was because of me. I have many auto immune system disorder markers. Skin issues, allergies, and digestive issues. - perhaps if she had immunized me, I would be that one in a million person who's life is destroyed by complications. And so because those auto immune diseases are in fact hereditary, I'm no comfortable risking MY children being that one in a million. I'm sorry, it's not my job to be the mother of all the kids in the US. It's my job to do what I think it right for my two. 
2. I seriously don't trust the established policy on vaccinations because of the enormous money behind it. When there is SO much money in any area there is greed and power and I don't believe that those people making the decisions on what vaccinations are necessary, are not influenced by nothing more then money. 
3. I don't trust that all the scientist doing all the research telling me that it's best to give my children these vaccinations are really looking out for my wellbeing or that of my kids more then the wellbeing of their research projects, their jobs and their livelihoods.
4. I'm not even close to being able to read and understand study after study after study of information on this subject and being told that "googling" it is not good enough and reading studies on the internet aren't good enough and by the way you can only know enough to make a decision by going to med school and reading enough medical journals and studies (and understanding what the heck they are saying) and paying for subscriptions to medical journals etc etc...  I don't have any way to know what is a valid study and what isn't. I don't have enough time, money or energy to get so versed in all the science that I actually am educated about EXACTLY what vaccination's benefits and harms are. All I have is some information that I have found and my instinct as a mother. 
5. No I don't trust doctors. I'm sorry they are just people and often times too busy to give a damn about me or my issues or my concerns with their established protocol. I've had SO many experiences of the ignorance of doctors who don't try to find out the real problem, but only treat symptoms that I have NO faith in some pediatrician telling me that "no, no, everything will be great and dandy when you inject your two month old with viruses!"   

Those are some of my reasons, though not totally extensive as I don't dare quote any of the information that I've found because it's bound to be debunked as totally false and ridiculous. But I can't quiet the fear that if I do go ahead and vaccinate, I'll be doing the wrong thing, so I'm not going to until I feel otherwise.

I also read this article which is a really good reminder that we shouldn't be parenting while comparing with everyone else..

http://www.mothering.com/community/a/my-choice-to-parent-differently-does-not-imply-your-way-is-wrong

Rocked

Wow, so much happening and so much to think about recently. I've been thinking about when someone you've respected and looked up to, becomes someone who no longer should be respected. How do you respect someone who is no longer respectable? It sucks to have those people in your lives change completely from who you used to know, to someone quite different
It hurts too. I feel heavy and sad about this situation and there isn't any help for it that I can see. Unless of course God moves.
Uhg.
I also just read an article which made me think about how I have been with Jackson recently. It's so easy to get into a rut of yelling and being frustrated with him instead of being creative in the ways that I try to teach him. It's so easy to get too busy to take the time to give him the attention that he needs. AAAK! Being a mom is so different then what I had thought. Really it's just that I HAVE to think about it the majority of my waking hours, which requires a total rewiring of my brain. It is so easy to be self centered and to try to fit children into a convenient space in my life, instead of making them the WHOLE space and fitting everything else into any available slot.
Here is the article. http://creativewithkids.com/the-day-i-realized-i-was-bullying-my-kids/

And in other news, Emma is hysterical. She is such a cute little button! WOW! How did I manage to have such cute kids!

I'll post a picture when I am at home.