Wow. Today was one of THOSE days! The kind where you say to yourself over and over, "Oh My God! I'm going to KILL them!!!!"
But then you try to get yourself under control, you try to remember all the little tips and "10 ways to stop yelling at your kids" and for a minute or two, you seem to making progress, until your son is disobedient AGAIN, and he threw ANOTHER fit and hit his sister and then when you are trying to discipline him, starts trying to hit YOU again and then casts himself down, rolling around yelling "NOOOOOOOOOO"!!!!!!!!!!
Yah. It was one of THOSE days. I even went so far as to call Dad to try to get leverage over the Cranky-pants little terror who woke up in my sons bed. Don't know where Jackson went, but the kid who took his place, was not a kid that I wanted to deal with.
One of THOSE days that leaves you feeling like a failure and totally deflated of all the goals for the kind of parent you want to be and the kind of child you want to raise. It leaves you with a surety that life really won't work out OK and that you're going to end up being the nasty person you know is in there, but you've fought long and hard to keep down. And you're going to raise a little hellion that no one likes or wants to be around.
In short. Life SUCKS!
I read these articles about kids who are in the system, or articles about motherhood and how special it is and all the moments and sensations that need to be savored and cherished because your children's childhood is in fact fleeting and soon they will be headed off to college. I sit and weep and think about how much I love my children and how thankful I am for their little arms hugging my neck and their little kisses on my face and their laughs when I tickle and play with them.
And then I have another one of THOSE kind of days. And in the middle of THOSE kind of days, all I can think of is trying to keep my temper. All I can think of is, "OBEY ME FOR GOD'S SAKE! It's not that hard DAMIT!" And all I can think of is, "I can't wait till your dad get's home and you go to BED!" Which then makes me feel really guilty that I don't have my s#$% together more. That I am not one of those moms who speaks softly and gently and caresses the brows of their sweet cherubs. (I personally don't think they exist. I know too many moms.)
So, how to move on after having one of THOSE soul shattering kind of days? I pray. I go to bed. I take a break. Get some space for a few minutes. Shake it off and then start again tomorrow, remembering how much I really DO love my two little imps. How Jackson makes me laugh with his CONSTANT questions about EVERYTHING!!!!!! About how much I love seeing him be sweet to his sister and how it makes me so proud when he is kind to people and uses all the manners I have so laboriously tried to teach him.
I remember how Emma is truly a JOY. How she is so determined to be a part of EVERYTHING and do everything her big brother does. I remember how friendly she is to everyone and how much she loves us and loves to show it.
In short, I am blessed!
I have two beautiful, healthy, intelligent kids that make life fun and crazy and enjoyable and horrible at times too. I love being a mom and of course I am far from being the best one out there, I am then one that God gave them, so I better put on my big girl pants and get my S$^% together and be their mom. Nurture, love, play with, discipline, teach.
That's what it's all about.
