Well well well.....

Ok, so I just saw a VERY funny thing, which was an offer on Joanna's blog for a penis enlargement. I know this is VERY juvenile humor, but I still can't help but laugh very hard. Anyhoo, now on to other things, Johnny just hit me in the head with a rubber band, so I had to take drastic action and I through plastic containers at him. It was very satisfying, though I didn't hurt him. He didn't hurt me either, so it's fine. I am actually happy, though I would just assume go home and go to bed. But then again, that's not a far off wish on most days. Yesterday I got a phone call from Ariana. She wanted to come over and read with me. I laugh because just on Monday night I had Gabriella and Catherine over to read and I think this is a younger sister thing happening. It's fine because I really like Ariana. I will find time to go ahead and do it. Oh and that reminds me I MUST call my brother and I really need to talk to Sue and my dad.. Wow, so many people to communicate with. On another note of humor, last night Dan and I had a really good chortle. First we chased each other about the school throwing things at each other.. which was very fun. On occassion we play "tag" and chase each other about on the road. It is always SO funny and we laugh wildly... It's incredibly inmature but that doesn't bother me because I spend a lot of time being mature and making sure we act like adults. It's fun just to be a kid and flirt once in a while. Then after that we went over the Cedar House and we laughed at some of the very dumb things we've done in the past. VERY DUMB things. But it's all good. I love him tons. Just a side note.
Love to all, I am going to go back to work.

Troubles on almost every side

As my title reflects I am in a foul frame of mind, but I will get it out so that I can move on and be much happier. The Diases are leaving. Rich next week and the rest whenever he gets everything set up. The thing about this is, it makes me furious and kind of sad, but mostly it makes me relieved. I am so glad he's going. This is not a nice emotion of, "it's so great that he's finally come to a decision..." it's that I'm sick of the "dying throes" and mad that he's leaving. Rude and mean I know, but it's how I feel and it's something that I have to work through. I hate it when people leave and it's usually very traumatising to me. I know that my current attitude is wrong and needs to change, but just now, I haven't the desire or strength to fight my way out of it. Ok now on to other troubles. It's just been a hellish week. I've been incredibly busy and running around wildly all week. I guess it's good and a challenge and all that, but just now, I don't have the energy for it. Other bad things? Nope, I just don't want to talk about it. The good thing in my life is that I am young and alive and strong and I am in love and surrounded by a great group of people, with a goal and a high aim and I love my job, though sometimes I get tired of it, and I have great friends. There that is my positive thought for the day. I will leave before something negative slips from my mouth.

Fun Time Had by All

Here are some dear friends of mine being very foolish and having a wonderful time of course.!

Fear, hateful and paralyzing

I find myself in a state of discomfort... major discomfort. I hate it that I am such a fearful person.. fearful of authority and fearful of confronting stituations I'm not in control of. I am going to have a talk with Bill, which means something to those of you who know him. I hate the fact that I am so intimidated by him. There are so many people that I have no problem saying things to, and when the occassion calls for it, I can do it with just about everyone. But with him, I hate the very thought and get nervous just thinking about the confrontation coming up. I'm not in trouble and yet I feel like I'm going to the "tool shed" to get spanked. Fear is such an unreasonable thing. It truly is. I hate that it has any hold on me, but then again, I don't do anything to get out of it. Dan is the kind of person who gets bothered by few things and is intimidated by no one. In a way it's wonderful to be with him because he pushes me, in other ways it's terribly irritating that he's never bothered or worried. I guess we all have our strengths and need each other for our weaknesses. I've been thinking about correction and how much I shrink from it. I guess I really feel like the "spanking" is the end of the world and that I've totally failed because I need one. It's really interesting how your mind can take something ment for your good and to help you, and twist it into something dreadful and terrifying. What am I so afraid of? It's not even like I don't have good experiences to remind myself that it's worth it. But somehow I manage to forget or just plain old block it out. Help! The really "scary" thing is that in order to break this, I have to open myself up to it, which means a lot of pain. But if I can break it.. by God, that's worth all the riches in the world.
There you have it, inner most thoughts of Janelle.
Say a few prayers for me.