Interesting times

We live in interesting times. There that is the statement of the day. Besides being mocked at my place of work, all things are good. Except that Danny is still at SM. But tomorrow night he returns and I will rush up to him and say hi and smile. A wee bit of an anti-climax, but that what happens when you walk it out. I had a very good conversation with Jinni yesterday and got very excited. YEAH! I will not elaborate. So there. What I am really excited about right now, is that we have a marvalous new copier/scanner/printer/fax/flying machine. It works beautifully! I loff it! Oh and Amy will be home soon which is another very good thing. Anyway, what the hey, I need to go, tata.

Wow

Well, there's never a moments rest. My office is still in turmoil and I can't handle it another second! I know it's a good cause, but fans in my ears and my papers flying about my desk as well as drywall dust and paint dripping all over my things and myself. I am so annoyed. It's ok though. I will calm down and go take a shower. Other then that my life is good. Dan is going to sm, that happens every now and then. Oh well. Other then that, the road is out and I am tired. Happy happy. I have to leave now, so I'll be cheerful some other time.

My life in turmoil

Ok, not my life, but my office, which in some ways is the same thing. Oh by the way has anyone bothered to look at the moon recently? It has been totally breath-taking the last couple of mornings as I struggled up the hill to breakfast. It is such a difficult thing to awake in the morning! Maybe my body simply needs more rest. But then again, I wouldn't be able to spend as much time with people if I went to bed. hmmm such a descission. I am pleased to announce that I have survived two days of work in the construction zone that is my office. Though I got dusted severly with drywall dust! It is such an irritation to have a coating of dirt all over your office.. and everything in it including papers and yourself. But that's fine. It's worth it, to have a new and improved office.
All for now, I had a funny story to write in here, but then I completely forgot it, so such is life. Maybe I'll remember it.
Probably not.

A short story

I was walking up to the tab and saw Bonny (the dog) trotting toward me. She had a leg in her mouth.. I think it was a cow leg, but who knows? I offered her my biscotti because I no longer desired to eat it. She accepted, dropping her leg and taking the biscotti to the side of the road to eat it in piece. I walked on, not thinking anymore about her. However, halfway up the hill, she began to bark after me. I turned and she came trotting toward me again, having left her leg in the middle of the road where she dropped it. She caught up and gave me a sniff to be sure I didn't have any other food stuff about me person, then continued on in front of me, barking a warning that I was coming. She did this all the way to the Cedar House. I thought it mildley amusing so I decided to immortalise it as it were, here on my blog... And there you have it. A short story.

Hell and more hell

Ouch! Pain and shaking etc. The last two days have been entirely horrible.... I think that I am in a test...:) In fact I know it, and I want to pass it and come out better on the other side. I won't go into details. I really need to get through this. Hopefully tonight, I'll be able to have the conversation that will resolve all of this. Lord help... I need you right quick.

Ode to Dan

This is dedicated to dan. Mostly because he's awesome, but specifically because he took care of me recently in my convelesence... I got very ill early one morning and threw up. My beloved, after doing barn, (those of you who know anything about milking cows, know that this involves getting up very early.4:30) and found out that I was sick, so he covered making breakfast at six, after coming in from barn, then when all that was all done,he came down the shop with Gingerale, and crackers and said very nice things to me and promised he'd come back later. It was so cool to wake up and see him walk through the door. It was very dark in the room, so I could only see his outline, but I knew it was him right away. Then he came back at 11:30 and took care of me the rest of the day. Not letting me get anything and helping as much as he could. He even read to me for like four hours. What a great guy! I know now more then ever that I want to marry him. Everyone was saying how sweet he was etc.. GRIN!!! !I love it! He's simply the best!

Off the ends off the earth

For all of you who thought that I had fallen off the ends of the earth, I did, it was great!.. Ok, so no, I was only sick for a couple of days, which sucks! There is a horrible bug going around that causes normally sturdy folk to wretch out there insides... It's quite disgusting.. anyway, despite being of a strong constitution, I got the nasty sickness. All that said, I hope everyone is well and polkie, I didn't even know you were leaving until you had left! I mean hello??? I hope you have a great trip! Love ya... Boji, let me know what happens in your life, I love ya tons... And Danny.. ha! I small triumph for Janelle! I am petty and nasty and I neet to be prayed for, but I am SO glad that he's mine and not that other persons! hhehehehehehh.. all of you close friends know whom I am refering too.... I'll give you some details in a less public forem if you want.. Love to all

A quickie

This is going to be very short because I am at work and I should be.... you know, working.. Anyway, I didn't want to keep neglecting this because I tend to allow myself to totally digress when it comes to writing things down. I did actually write in my journal the other night. Very impressive, it's been a long time. And I even wrote fun things. I wrote down a bunch of funny times that Dan and I had this last summer. It was good to remember things and laugh and chuckle. I also got to talk to Boj today. YEAH!!!! I miss her bunches and really hope that she's ok. Ok, this just in, I just saw a man (who is insane) riding in his little model t or whatever the heck it is, convertable, yes a convertable in the WINTER of ALASKA!!!! drive by the window! He must be completely freezing! Honestly, it's like 15 below out there! I can't even fathom riding in an open-top car in the winter.. i mean it's hardly warm enough in the summer months. Ok, sorry my shock got the better of me. Anyhoo, that's really all I am going to write about. Oh that and I won chinese checkers last night! yeah for me! (Dan always wins everything!)

AHHHHHHHHHHKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!

That was the sound I made yesterday when Johnny P jumped out from behind the parts shelf with a deafening yell, and scarred the crap out of me. The worst thing about it, was that it was a combined effort of Seth, Aaron and Johnny. Aaron was pretending to work behind my desk, just lying in wait to video the scare, and then Seth and Johnny snuck up the aisle. It really was very effective and I nearly had a heart attack. Then I went downstairs a while later, and johnny scared me again. It was just so wrong... It didn't help that the fire alarm had been going off randomly all day and my nerves were shot. Not very pleasant really. It was terrific.. such a funny word. So anyhoo, then we had an awesome service, with worship and prophesying and prayer. Very good and very powerful. I shall return to work now.

Let's see if this works

These are more fun pics from the island thing... Boj, you look great!!!!

What an upheaval

I decided that if I'm going to be able to fight properly, I need to have the right tools to fight. So in that course of action in mind, I have been listening to word non stop, and trying to change the way I think. I think it was Emerson who said that we become and act out on what is in our minds. Which is so true. Anyway, it's been really good. I listen to the Jane tapes yesterday as well as Tony Cardenas, and some of Frank Lopez. All was really good. The Jane story was very intense of course, and it's so cool to know the end of the matter. I love that she overcame the rest of her life and was never run by devils again.
Danny is back, yeah hurray, which is great, and so are Seth and Rebecca, which of course is wonderful. All in all, I am tired, but doing pretty well.

It has been a while

I was away from a computer for a few days, and then I just didn't feel like writing down any thoughts, let alone thoughts worth the time to write. But here I am at last. (Paul I finally wrote a response if you are interested in reading it.) Anyway, Danny Darling.. (that sounds quite humerous) has left me for a whole week. While this is very sad, it is also a time to go around visiting all those I haven't seen for a great while. Sometimes it takes such a lot of energy to have relationships with people. Sad that I am such a lazy girl. Not really. Let's see. Oh I have continued on my journey of listening to good things to inspire me to be a better person. Though we all know that goodness comes from inside not from what you hear. But maybe I can translate it into something that I am. That would be good. I find that by leaving room for excuses such as "it's so hard", you leave too much room to do whatever you want, instead of what you know you should do. I guess I have to see it as something that I want, more then anything else. I am not going to elaborate, because I don't feel like it, and I'm not sure that I want that much of me public. Anyhoo, I am being very weird and cryptic tonight. Must have something to do with the book I just read. I am going to stop typing now. Good. All done.

Thoughts

Well, I am sitting here, emotionally traumatized. Not in a bad way at all. The last two days have been very good. I listened to a Sam Fife tape in the cheese room yesterday. It was so good to listen to it. It's really important to know where we come from and how this whole thing started.. (for anyone who doesn't know who Sam Fife is, he was the guy who started the church) The tape was right around the time he was preaching the wilderness message, and he went back and explained exactly why we were moving that way. He talked about when he first heard the Giddeon and his three hundred message from God. How he knew God was telling him that he was seperating a people, a priviledged people, who by loving God and seperating themselves, they would overcome the flesh and be able to defeat death. He talked about the scripture, "By man death, by man also resurrection " In other words it was man who brought the death experience into the world and it's going to be man who defeats death and brings resurrection life. It was so stirring. I was really overwhelmed with the hugeness of this calling. To defeat death. Talk about something to attain to. I also feel so priviledged to have been raised in this move and to have been given understanding and also to see the vision. It's spectacular. Then this morning, instead of having service we gathered and worshipped for about two hours for Mary Elis (who is dying of cancer).. we sang songs and then went into worship and people sang psalms (for those of you who are not familiar with this, it is basically a singing a song to the Lord, one that you make up on the spot. It's very beautiful) and I was so overcome by the cry that God would not leave us in the wilderness but that he would complete this work that He started and not leave us. It's such a beautiful thing. The body, everyone fighting for each other. It was tremendously ecouraging. I was totally broken and stood there crying for a long time. The beauty of what God has done is just incredible. The cry of my heart now is for God to finish it and to keep all those that He has called.
I was talking to Nannette yesterday, talking about marters and stuff, and saying how it's very easy to stay close to the Lord when you are in trouble or fear or danger, but how it's the every day complacence that will kill us. It's so suttle. It sneeks up on you and you don't even realize it, until you're half dead. It's really tricky. I am filled with a hunger for the word. I want to know the foundation, so I can stand when I get shaken. I love this word and I love the vision, I don't ever want to lose that. There is such a confirmation in my spirit about it, and I believe it with all my heart and being. Anyway, I needed to write this before it became less clear and faded.

20th Blog

Well here is a celebration. My 20th blog post. Also yesterday Dan and I hit the halfway marker. I hate walking it out. I really do. It is SO frustrating! I just want to yell sometimes. It doesn't matter how many times you can past the blasted test, you still have to face it again the next day. I love Danny dearly and will marry him and sure as anything, but I am SO all done with having to fight every minute of every moment with him to keep my hands off him, and keep his off me. It's SO IRRITATING!!!!! We do only have another six months till our year is up, but then there is still another five until we get to the alter. But I the thing is I do want to do this right and please God and have that blessing on our relationship. I just forget that occasionally. But at least we have to fight together. If nothing else, it will teach us that. To fight for what we know is right, though it is completely the opposite of what we want. Grr. On a happier note, we had the most amazing conversation the other night. I won't get into all the details, but the overview is that he want's into places that I've kept very guarded. I never new what an introvert I was until he started trying to get through the walls. I've built a lot because of being hurt. And then there is the whole thing of not wanting to seem weak, and a pushover.. I've definitely over compensated for it. We both ended up sobbing and I've never felt so open and naked in front of someone. But it was so good because I know that I can trust him. It's awesome to see a relationship growing and becoming deeper. It's very exciting. Anyway, this week was one of much emtion. Lot's of trauma. The Ekstroms leaving sort of put the cherry on top of it all. I am still dealing with anger about it. Then there is always the whole tragic thing with Patrick and Erika and Chris and Cara. It's very sad to see them in their current states of hardship. I feel very much for Chris and Cara, but you know that this will either make their relationship, or it will prove it isn't the right one. I hope that it's the first not the latter. Andway, I will now stop and return to work. I might need to come back soon, though.. my mind is still heavy.

Hardship

Ok, well in the face of some very difficult things, I am having a VERY difficult time being loving and not walling off to the Ekstroms before they leave. Tomorrow. Not all of them, just Carl and Denise. I find it amazing that someone would be here for sixteen years doing something that they didn't believe. It boggles the mind! It also makes me really mad that they would teach their kids something that they really didn't believe and then stand up and make that declaration. It really makes me angry.. Lord help me love them... Anyway, besides that, things are fine, well not really... there has been a lot of heaviness recently because of all the major things that have happend. The Diases, Tom Blohm, all the cuffufle of the businesses, Bill leaving, the Ekstroms..etc. But I guess there is always the light side. Dan.. what a wonderful thing to always have someone who will cheer you up a wee bit. I really love him, and every day a lot more. It's a wonderful thing. Hey and we're almost halfway through the year. YES! FINALLY!!! Unfortunately, we still have 11 months before we actually get married. But that will be ok. Eventually. As I told Chris about Cara leaving. Eventually he'll see this seperation as a really beneficial thing for their relationship, but right now it's kind of hard. I really hope she comes back.. I'll miss her very badly. Ok, I think I want to be done ranting now. I am tired of it and it will only take up more valuable time.

PS

Oh and the Diases decided to stay. Very incredible story really. He was on the plane and the engine died, which is what he prayed for to happen if he wasn't supposed to go. Wow.. talk about being intercepted!

Saddness

It makes me very sad. Tom Blohm died of a heart attack this morning. When you invest a lot of prayer into something, it's kind of hard to reconcile what happens to what you were hoping for. I don't know. It's an answer to prayer that he didn't lingure long having to go through all the treatments and get all the sickness and pain from that, but it's hard that he died. Lord help Janice. She's lost a lot of family in the last five years.
In other news, Bill is leaving Saturday, which means we shan't be shrieked at for a while by him. Yeah. And we had a communion service, which was very good and Dan and I washed each others feet, which is very special. More and more I realize how much I love him and really how I always want to. I know I don't know crap about marriage and all that right now, but I think that it really matters how you sow. Now and continuously. I know that if we're faithful to sow to always working things out and loving each other and keep God in charge where he belongs, we won't come up against anything that we can't get through.
Just a thought. Anyway, I must get back to work now. Hopefully Joanna will still love me after the yelling I gave her. Scary. But She knows that I won't tread softly around issues I think important.
I love ya Boj.

Well well well.....

Ok, so I just saw a VERY funny thing, which was an offer on Joanna's blog for a penis enlargement. I know this is VERY juvenile humor, but I still can't help but laugh very hard. Anyhoo, now on to other things, Johnny just hit me in the head with a rubber band, so I had to take drastic action and I through plastic containers at him. It was very satisfying, though I didn't hurt him. He didn't hurt me either, so it's fine. I am actually happy, though I would just assume go home and go to bed. But then again, that's not a far off wish on most days. Yesterday I got a phone call from Ariana. She wanted to come over and read with me. I laugh because just on Monday night I had Gabriella and Catherine over to read and I think this is a younger sister thing happening. It's fine because I really like Ariana. I will find time to go ahead and do it. Oh and that reminds me I MUST call my brother and I really need to talk to Sue and my dad.. Wow, so many people to communicate with. On another note of humor, last night Dan and I had a really good chortle. First we chased each other about the school throwing things at each other.. which was very fun. On occassion we play "tag" and chase each other about on the road. It is always SO funny and we laugh wildly... It's incredibly inmature but that doesn't bother me because I spend a lot of time being mature and making sure we act like adults. It's fun just to be a kid and flirt once in a while. Then after that we went over the Cedar House and we laughed at some of the very dumb things we've done in the past. VERY DUMB things. But it's all good. I love him tons. Just a side note.
Love to all, I am going to go back to work.

Troubles on almost every side

As my title reflects I am in a foul frame of mind, but I will get it out so that I can move on and be much happier. The Diases are leaving. Rich next week and the rest whenever he gets everything set up. The thing about this is, it makes me furious and kind of sad, but mostly it makes me relieved. I am so glad he's going. This is not a nice emotion of, "it's so great that he's finally come to a decision..." it's that I'm sick of the "dying throes" and mad that he's leaving. Rude and mean I know, but it's how I feel and it's something that I have to work through. I hate it when people leave and it's usually very traumatising to me. I know that my current attitude is wrong and needs to change, but just now, I haven't the desire or strength to fight my way out of it. Ok now on to other troubles. It's just been a hellish week. I've been incredibly busy and running around wildly all week. I guess it's good and a challenge and all that, but just now, I don't have the energy for it. Other bad things? Nope, I just don't want to talk about it. The good thing in my life is that I am young and alive and strong and I am in love and surrounded by a great group of people, with a goal and a high aim and I love my job, though sometimes I get tired of it, and I have great friends. There that is my positive thought for the day. I will leave before something negative slips from my mouth.

Fun Time Had by All

Here are some dear friends of mine being very foolish and having a wonderful time of course.!

Fear, hateful and paralyzing

I find myself in a state of discomfort... major discomfort. I hate it that I am such a fearful person.. fearful of authority and fearful of confronting stituations I'm not in control of. I am going to have a talk with Bill, which means something to those of you who know him. I hate the fact that I am so intimidated by him. There are so many people that I have no problem saying things to, and when the occassion calls for it, I can do it with just about everyone. But with him, I hate the very thought and get nervous just thinking about the confrontation coming up. I'm not in trouble and yet I feel like I'm going to the "tool shed" to get spanked. Fear is such an unreasonable thing. It truly is. I hate that it has any hold on me, but then again, I don't do anything to get out of it. Dan is the kind of person who gets bothered by few things and is intimidated by no one. In a way it's wonderful to be with him because he pushes me, in other ways it's terribly irritating that he's never bothered or worried. I guess we all have our strengths and need each other for our weaknesses. I've been thinking about correction and how much I shrink from it. I guess I really feel like the "spanking" is the end of the world and that I've totally failed because I need one. It's really interesting how your mind can take something ment for your good and to help you, and twist it into something dreadful and terrifying. What am I so afraid of? It's not even like I don't have good experiences to remind myself that it's worth it. But somehow I manage to forget or just plain old block it out. Help! The really "scary" thing is that in order to break this, I have to open myself up to it, which means a lot of pain. But if I can break it.. by God, that's worth all the riches in the world.
There you have it, inner most thoughts of Janelle.
Say a few prayers for me.

This, that and the other thing

Tomorrow, I get to see my nephews.... very fun. I don't think I've ever enjoyed being with a small chap like I have with Tylar.. He is SO funny. For all you unfortunates who don't know him, he is two and half and speaks English shorthand. It is so funny. He abreviates all words. He says the first couple of letters of every word and amazingly enough get's his point across most of the time. The other day he had his mom call me and then wouldn't talk to me. But then when I called a couple days later he got on the phone and said "Ha auny nel, whe fow wa saw gra, " etc and then he told me he "lauv oo" which totally stole my heart of course. He also calls Amy Ahmy which is quite cute. (By the way, he's a typical child as well which means he's strong willed and diobediant by nature, but he's really getting way better) Anyhoo, Brenden is wonderful too, just not as amusing at this time in his young life. (he'll be a year in January) It is offically fall here. The trees are turning and it's very cold outside. Ok not VERY cold, but cold enough to make wearing a jacket vital. Oh well, winter will come and go and then spring and next year I'll get married! YES! Sorry I get a wee bit excited.
:)

Is now a good time to panic or should I come back later?

Sometimes you just feel a wee bit too overwhelmed with life to actually try to deal with each little instance and situation. For instance, relationshps... there are so many to be worked on, (not that they are in need of repair, but it is vital to "work" with them to keep them good and alive and all that good stuff.) and yet sometimes, you just don't care and you don't want to worry about how that friend who is walking by is doing, or the person that you don't really know that you feel like you should probably get to know them, but don't have the energy to make an effort. It's really something that I think about every once in a while and know that I should for sure make those efforst and I do, just sometimes you just don't feel like it. Anyhoo there you have it in a 'nutshell' as is were. I must dash and go be with the one relationship I haven't gotten weary of at anytime. And for all the synics out there, I might just be able to work with God's help enough to always work for that relationship. Let's hope. I love you all... mostly

Away went the smoke

These are a few of the wonderful people in my life. Cheers to all of you in all corners of the globe..
The smoke is gone, wonders of wonders... And the silt it here. Here in the lovely Delta Jct. AK we are currently experiencing 50 mph winds... It is lovely. We enjoy this kind of weather.. Ok, so we don't enjoy it entirely... when the silt actually pulls the skin from you face, but I do find strong winds to be very invigorating. I mean it's a battle and a fight against nature.. Sure you probably won't win, but it's a blast trying... yes I realize I wierd. But it just means I'll have more fun on a windy day then you will. :)
Ta and my the wind be always at your back.

My God, How long? How long will we be smoked!

I am sitting in my room on what is supposed to be a glorious day. This may seem wierd to you, which it would be under normal circumstances.. But these are NOT normal circumstances! Praise be, it's so thick with smoke outside that it's hard to breath, and you can barly make out that there's even a sun in the sky, let alone that it's supposed to be shinning brightly. This makes me very angry, considering the nasty summer we've had and the fact that it is now fall, and we'll be getting the good old snow back soon. At this point it will be a relief. Oh well. Maybe next summer will be great. (Not likely)
Anyhoo.. exciting things that have happend.. well, Dan came home from being away for a long time and that is really fun and wonderful of course.. And let me see, unfortunately both Megumi and Hilary are leaving next week. Very sad! Oh well what can you do? But hopefully the roommates of next year will be as wonderful and roommates of yore, and yes Boj, that does include you! Emerson said some really good things in opening this morning. He was talking about not hating the weakness in us because God put it there to show us we need Him, and that there's no shame in it if you lean on God and get your strength from Him... not to mention abide in Him. It really ment something to me because so many times when I screw up, I barate myself to within an inch of my life because I think that I should be strong enough not to miss it and do dumb things. And it's true when you do that it's harder to go back and talk to God about it. Anyway, something I was thinking about.
I think I shall go now and do more productive things. Like laundry.
Love to all

This is my sweetie and me... he's so cute. :)

What is life without love, or living without conflict?

I just want to put out there, that it is so fun to be in love! I can't believe how much fun it is. It's just the best, even when we fight. Actually conflict makes it better. Now, I realize that in the future, we'll have greater conflict and have to work harder to love each other. But I am of the opinion that it is completely unnecessary to dwell on future fights and conflicts. Why shouldn't I enjoy this time where it's incredably easy to love him.... I am totally a lost cause.... and I could sit here and ramble on and on about how much I love him and he me etc, etc...but I fear that all who read this would soon be bored. But I am going to creat a blog for just he and me where we can post things and such to each other and pics and all that good stuff. Very fun really. It's been quite an adventure and it promises to continue. The biggest conflict of course is the waiting a year before we can get married. And yes, I am aware that it's not a betrothal... (though, personally I think that it's what you make it and I know neither of use would have started this if we hadn't been sure that we wanted to marry each other.) But anyhoo, I don't have to argue the point with anyone.
Other then the obvious, I have been thinking about dicipline and how much I value it in other people and the areas that I have conquered it. I love it. But beware because it can slip when you relax just a wee little bit. I speak of exercise... I have let myself only exercise five days instead of the regimental six. The thinking was that because of all the sports I was playing, that it really would be fine. Now, I must return to six, and that is hard. But I have done it for two years now, so I should have the ability to do it again. I WILL ! There... now I have spoken it, I must do it.
Anything else? Oh Joanna, darling Joanna, stop it. You know you can't get forgiveness by hating yourself..... and you know you can't forgive yourself while you are beating yourself up. (I think I have a good idea of why you are raging against yourself, but I could be wrong, though I doubt it) You know you've had victories. Keep that in the front of your mind and never stop going back to God. He can't help you if you don't ask.
I love you all, but especially Danny!

Blessed Be the Laundry Day forevermore amen!

Oh How I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just tried to publish a very large bog and the *&*$&(#*&($* thing didn't go through, though it said it did and now I have to retype the dumb thing!!!!!! AHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry that really vexes my spirit, in fact it does SO much that I don't know if I'll be able to calm down and type in this wretched thing. Maybe I will, but I do need to go work out, so we'll see. Sigh... I am calm now. Itsn't it fun to be on laundry all those who have laundry day and know what I am talking of? I love it! At this point I have no responsibility and I get to do whatever I please, which is wondeful... Alas I must return to the working world tomorrow.. sigh.. oh well.. I could really use a month of laundry days. By the end of it I would either be enormously fat or bored or lazy as all get out or a combination of all three. Previously I blogged about how discusted I was with the "worlds" obcession with sex. I read two magazines, and both were just cover to cover sex advertisements. Everything sexual and nasty.. I find it disgusting that a magazine publishes articles such as "how to have steamy summer sex." I mean come on! It's essentially soft porn and it's perverse that it's normal reading material! It's a sick society when it's HIGHLY unusual to be in your twentie and be a virgin. It's sick and it's perverse and I am sad that I have to live in such a time... though in reality the world has always been as sick and perverse as it is now, but it seemed like it wasn't quite so flagrant about it...
But there is hope.. thank God... And I don't have to be involved with it or read nasty magazines, which I don't normally, but Megumi happened to have them... no excuse.. we won't go there again.
Food for thought.

Look to the hills, from whence comes my help

I've discovered some more things about myself. I wouldn't classify them as good things, but at the same time I can't really call them bad.... I know that there is a lot in my life that I want to change. I want to NOT say bad things about people and make instant horrible judgements about them. I don't want to be so easily fickle when it comes to God. He's given me so much help and so much grace that to not ALWAYS be before Him is the height of ungratfulness. A very exciting thing happened tonight rather. Dan suggested we pray together.. It's incredably exciting when he comes and suggests something that I want, but have always felt to not say until he brings it up. It just shows even more how faithful God is. When we please Him and are obeying Him, He gives us those things that are important to us. That's rather exciting to me. But then again, I also realized how jaded in my view I get. For instance it has been a big deal for Dan and I to do anything together. I want to just give up and pout because of it and that is WRONG!!!!! I am NOT a victom! EVER!!! I have every ability in me to fight and do whatever is required of me.. simply because God's put it there. AND I BELIEVE THAT!!!!!!!!! Now I have to live it.
Hmm. I must go to bed now..

The passing from a youth to an older youth

Well, this week has held many interesting and bizzare turns of events in my life... mostly, I've just discovered that I really have to grow up... No that is not just a statement, but a realization... Dan and I had a large fight.. probably the worst yet, since this time, HE was pissed as heck at me as well as me being pissed as heck at him. The situation escalated and after I sshhhhed him, he stormed from the school, and after a moment of indicision I went after him and yelled at him for leaving something unresolved and told him that since he expected me to always talk things out, he had to do the same.. the point of all that was that we did work it out, but more importantly we learned a wee bit more about each other and about how a relationship, a life-long relationship is going to work... Lots of work... All good though and very much worth it..
The other night we were on tickle.com which is a very fun site to waste a lot of time on... many silly little tests etc.. but they are fun and really amuzing. We found out that we are not "astrologically compatable" (which is mostly his fault because he is a tauras) and that our names "calculated" together only get up to a 79% . Sad.. I guess we better not continue with this...:) I also found out that I am only 75 on a scale of 100 in the realm of sexy..oh well.. I guess I had better work on that:) Anyhoo I just go finished baking my body and runny and I must go shower so I smell nice at dinner. Very important really.. smelling nice...
Love to all

Complete disbelief and anger

WHY!!!!!!!!!!??????? I just DON'T GET IT!!!!!! What would induce some normally sane person to write to a place where they lived a long time ago, or better yet, never lived at all, and try to convince all those poor deranged individuals, who are following blindly and submissively behind a tyrannical. maniac who controls us all, that we are totally off base, and can't see the truth that is slapping us in the face. That really, all us blind folk should listen to THEM instead and see the light that they are shining SO brightly! Wow, sorry I am getting a little sarcastic and a lot worked about this, but honestly.. some people are so stupid and yes I will give names MIKE O"LEARY! I don't know the other man, so I won't abuse him wildly, but I would like to. Lord, help me not be such a nasty person!

Where does laziness come from

I am sitting here at work on a gloriously sunny day, hating being inside, and also wasting my valuable time, NOT doing anything productive... How terrible is that? I can't say that I feel tremendously bad about it really.. In fact I don't feel bad about it at all. I am usually a very productive person, and I love to work hard, but I find when by myself, without any sort of press, I don't do well at all. I can usually force out a couple of hours of work, but then I just get sick of it and stop, and do things like blog... I was really inspired by reading Joahannas blogs, by the by, I miss my best friend! I am TIRED of you being gone and just think, It's just the beginning.. But at least there is Dan... there is always Dan.. What a great consilation! I love him so much.
I have been very surprised by the ability of the heart to expand and explore so unfearingly, previously untrodden ground. It's really fun! I really can't wait to marry him! There is no thought better then that.. not even Hawaii or any other tropical paradice. (Not, of course, suggesting I wouldn't be delighted to have that experience of GOING to one of those places!)
But now, I shall force myself to do a wee bit more work, lest I get home and not like myself as much for no dicipline what-so-ever!

My One, True love

Dan is the awesomest EVER!!!! I loff him!