Jackson's song

This is a song I made up for Jackson yesterday when he was being a turkey butt. 

"I love you, I love you, even when You're ugly, and even when you are not nice.

I love you, I love you , even when you're nasty and even when you throw a fit.

But I love you more, when you are happy and when you are gentle and kind, and I love you most when you are obedient but I love you all the time."

It's been forever

I am sitting in a service, truthfully not terribly interested in listening to what is being said. So I thought I should maybe do something productive and write about the kids. 

Wow! They are slouch work and so ugh fun right now. Emma is more the ever a spit fire. She is very interested in dollies all of a sudden. She wants to sleep with them, drag them along to child care and have them by at all times.  She is also talking a lot. The other day Dan said he was tired and she said, "Daddy, nap?"  She likes to snuggle down in his bed saying, "Bubba bed, me!" When I am giving Jack something she says, "and me!" 

Of course she is also a little terror, always wanting her way and throwing a fit when I don't let her do or have something. But on the whole, she is sweet and funny and she makes me laugh. She definitely has a gift of friendliness and the ability to engage people.  

Jackson. Oh my Jackson boy. He is definitely being a handful! But he is a delightful boy. He plays so well by himself; building train tracks, bridges, animal fence, or a barn full of hay or make long lines of cars on the road that I made for him on his floor. 

He does have a great sense of humor that usually makes me laugh just as much as him. His newest thing is to make a "toilet tongue". Which is a piece of toilet paper trailing from the lid. Of the potty down to the floor. Then he flushes it. It's really funny. :) 

His very inventive with what he comes up with. He still likes me to make up songs and stories. And now he really likes to be read too, which is all to the good. 

All in all we are doing well and having fun with each other, though of course there are daily battles for listening and being obedient. 

He is also I the middle of potty training through the night. I am really looking forward to having that over with!

One of those days

Wow. Today was one of THOSE days! The kind where you say to yourself over and over, "Oh My God! I'm going to KILL them!!!!"

But then you try to get yourself under control, you try to remember all the little tips and "10 ways to stop yelling at your kids" and for a minute or two, you seem to making progress, until your son is disobedient AGAIN, and he threw ANOTHER fit and hit his sister and then when you are trying to discipline him, starts trying to hit YOU again and then casts himself down, rolling around yelling "NOOOOOOOOOO"!!!!!!!!!!

Yah. It was one of THOSE days. I even went so far as to call Dad to try to get leverage over the Cranky-pants little terror who woke up in my sons bed. Don't know where Jackson went, but the kid who took his place, was not a kid that I wanted to deal with.

One of THOSE days that leaves you feeling like a failure and totally deflated of all the goals for the kind of parent you want to be and the kind of child you want to raise. It leaves you with a surety that life really won't work out OK and that you're going to end up being the nasty person you know is in there, but you've fought long and hard to keep down. And you're going to raise a little hellion that no one likes or wants to be around.

In short. Life SUCKS!

I read these articles about kids who are in the system, or articles about motherhood and how special it is and all the moments and sensations that need to be savored and cherished because your children's childhood is in fact fleeting and soon they will be headed off to college. I sit and weep and think about how much I love my children and how thankful I am for their little arms hugging my neck and their little kisses on my face and their laughs when I tickle and play with them.

And then I have another one of THOSE kind of days. And in the middle of THOSE kind of days, all I can think of is trying to keep my temper. All I can think of is, "OBEY ME FOR GOD'S SAKE! It's not that hard DAMIT!" And all I can think of is, "I can't wait till your dad get's home and you go to BED!" Which then makes me feel really guilty that I don't have my s#$% together more. That I am not one of those moms who speaks softly and gently and caresses the brows of their sweet cherubs. (I personally don't think they exist. I know too many moms.)

So, how to move on after having one of THOSE soul shattering kind of days?  I pray. I go to bed. I take a break. Get some space for a few minutes. Shake it off and then start again tomorrow, remembering how much I really DO love my two little imps. How Jackson makes me laugh with his CONSTANT questions about EVERYTHING!!!!!! About how much I love seeing him be sweet to his sister and how it makes me so proud when he is kind to people and uses all the manners I have so laboriously tried to teach him.

I remember how Emma is truly a JOY. How she is so determined to be a part of EVERYTHING and do everything her big brother does. I remember how friendly she is to everyone and how much she loves us and loves to show it.

In short, I am blessed!

I have two beautiful, healthy, intelligent kids that make life fun and crazy and enjoyable and horrible at times too. I love being a mom and of course I am far from being the best one out there, I am then one that God gave them, so I better put on my big girl pants and get my S$^% together and be their mom. Nurture, love, play with, discipline, teach.

That's what it's all about.

Funny Things

Jackson in bed getting ready for sleep: "Mama, does snot make honey?"
Me: "No, snot does not make honey?"
Jackson: "What does snot make?"

Jackson: "I like you Mommy. I like you just the way you are. Can you sing me the song Just The Way You Are?"

Emma adores shoes and boots and jackets and throws fits when she doesn't get what she wants. She is such a character. She loves peek - a -boo and wants to play it all the time.

She also loves to be involved in everything and insists on being bigger then she really is. What a hoot. :)

Kiddos and other thoughts.

I keep forgetting to get on here are immortalize all the funny things my kids say and do. But here are a couple of stories.
The other day I was correcting Jackson and telling him to look at my eyes. Emma opened her eyes really wide and looked at me earnestly and said "dis, dis?"
She is so full of spunk and I love her sense of humor. And the fact that she wants to be the one to pick out her clothes and shoes. She's 15 months old!

Jackson, discussing colors he likes, said to Dan "I'm the kind of guy who likes green, brown and blue."

He is getting so big and the things he thinks of and puts together always surprises me. He's very sensitive to ideas about fear and danger and so I am constantly reassuring him about the safety of things.

Emma has been throwing fits about sugar. She LOVES sugar. The more sugar, the better and to heck with all other food. I am waging war on her now to eat what I give her. Not a lot of it if she doesn't like it, but she IS going to eat a couple of bites and I'm not going only give her bread, cheerios and candy. So, that's been fun, but I know it's worth the fight.

She is funny too, because when I look at her and I'm talking to her, she gives such an impression that she understands every word. Maybe it's because she is a lot more engaging then Jackson was, but it makes me feel like she is catching on a lot faster then he did. And because of that I find myself expecting more out of her. She can already follow simple directions really well, which I love. I told her to go get her shoes the other day and she went to her drawer, picked some out and brought them to me. She also put them away when I told her too. She has put her clothes in the basket too.

Jackson is getting more interested in reading stories with me and I love cuddling with him. He often tells me, "I like you Mom." Which is the cutest thing. He is getting really coordinated with his play too. He has been building train tracks a lot and using the road I did on his floor with tape.

It's fun to see him create and pretend. And he's doing well with potty training. He's had some accidents recently, but I think it's more laziness then anything else. I just want to be done with diapers for him.

The last couple of nights Emma has wanted to be rocked to sleep, which is not normal. At the end of the day I am often so tired and so ready to just RELAX, that I have a habit of trying to get the bedtime routine over with as quickly as possible. The kids, and Dan too really, like to drag it out as long as possible. But the other night I was sitting in the dark with a baby who cried and cried every time I put her in her crib and I reminded myself that I have nothing better to do than to snuggle and nurture my baby. I held and sung to her for probably 30 - 45 minutes and she finally passed out in my arms. It was so sweet and she is growing so quickly. I was infinitely more relaxed after I had finally snuck out of the room. And of course, knowing I was there when she needed me, made me feel much better about life in general.

I just need to take the time to enjoy all the moments, even through the fog of tiredness. :)

And she walks!

 Emma is officially walking! Just today she decided she was going for it and took off. Several times she walked across the room. She is so big! She also is talking a bunch. She is saying ball and fish and she is very clear when she is trying to say something that isn't actually English, but she definitely get's her point across.  She also loves to give kisses. Recently, she has wanted to be snuggled before she goes to bed. I hold her with her blanket, and she lays her head down on my shoulder and I sing to her. If she likes the song she'll start singing too. I say singing but it's that little baby thing of aaahhhhh... Then she'll snuggle down again, then look up and pucker up, then snuggle down again. It's so cute! 

She has eight teeth and possibility one more on the way. 

Being a mother SUCKS!

Only sometimes. I'm really tired at the moment and just had the morning from hell, so I'm not really the best advocate for moms at the moment. What do you do with a kid who just wants to be naughty? Nothing I do deters him from being mean to his friends or fighting or just complaining and whining... GRR!
And then when I have him alone, he's all sweet and kind and considerate and I want to yell, "Quick! Look now, World! He really is a wonderful boy!"
He's so frustrating sometimes and so fun and so full of mischief. He loves to fill his dump truck up with rocks and then throw them off the bridge. He loves to muck about in the mud and dirt and he loves to collect rocks.

He's such a boy. I keep reminding myself that he will learn the right things to do, I just have to keep teaching him. He knows exactly what's expected of him, but when I ask him why he got into trouble, he looks up at me with big green eyes, all innocent and says, "don't know".

I do love giving the cuddles and kisses and reading the stories and giving the baths. I love being "mommy" and I love being the one they call. But sometimes I feel like I'm the one who always gets to say "NO!" and the one who gets to heap out correction and punishments for various crimes. I, in essence get to be the "bad guy". Not because I want to be, but because I am on the front line. It starts with me daily. If I don't teach them obedience every day, all day long, they will grow up being little manipulators with no respect for authority. It's SO vital to be the teacher and mother they need me to be, and yet all I want to do sometimes is ignore the naughty, ugly behavior, put a movie on and take a nap.
It's really that I get to mother myself too along with the kids. I have to grow myself up enough to be there for them.
It's so worth it, but so hard to sustain the energy long term.

Emma Joy is one!

It's been a crazy year. It was 32 degrees the evening Emma was born. I was exhausted from no sleep and the emotional HELL of labor and delivery and the nagging questions of, "will I really have her today or will I stall out like last time and have three days of never ending contractions and sleep deprivation?" I don't do well with not being in control and that aspect of labor it the hardest one for me. I don't have any say in when, or how or how long. It happens when it happens and short of going to get induced and taking drugs to deal with the pain of pitocin contractions, there is nothing to be done about it.

My reflections of that day are varied. Some very are very happy and some make me wince. I remember being in so much pain I wanted to go get and epidural at the hospital. I remember that I kept hitting my forehead on the side of the tub, because the deflected pain helped me deal with the overwhelming pain. (I had a bruise for days afterwards.. :)

I remember the amazing feeling of totally relaxing when I got into the hot shower after I had been shaking and shivering and feeling totally tense, out of control and unable to cope. That moment probably marks the greatest polar shift I have ever experienced from horrible discomfort to comfort in a minute.

And of course I remember the moment she came out, the relief of not having to push anymore or have anymore contractions.. (HA! The after birth pain was HORRENDOUS with this second pregnancy. and I hear it gets worse with each child you have.) I picked her up and she was all purple and not breathing, like Jackson, though he was much more limp. Dana came in with the mask and air bag and gave her two puffs and the sweet relief! She coughed and started to squeak and cry a bit.

I also loved just laying there in the bed with her and with Dan beside me. Getting that time, just us, no visitors, no hospital staff, no relatives what probably the highlight for me. I absolutely loved it.

When I look back now, I can see little glimpses of her personality peeping out. I handed her to Dan to get a little snuggling in so I could sit up and focus on the prodding and cramping that was happening to me. She took one sniff of him and let out a yell of protest. "What the heck?! You're NOT my mom!" It's so her.

This little Emma girl is a ball of fire! She has so many quirks and she makes me laugh all the time. She is strong willed and stubborn. (How could she not be with parents such as us?) She loved to be involved with whatever is happening and strongly objects to being marginalized. She threw a fit yesterday when I wouldn't let her crawl down the road with her brother and his friend.

She loved to give little kisses. I rock her for a few minutes before she goes to bed, signing to her and just generally loving on her. She'll cuddle down on my chest with her blanket and her thumb in her mouth, then look up at me and pucker up, kiss me then flop back down. Then she'll do it again. And again. And again. She is just a light. She will smile at anyone and oh my! How this girl loves her Daddy!

She has six teeth going on eight and she is determined to get around. She likes to push chairs and other heavy objects around. I wouldn't be surprised if she is full out walking within the next month. She's long and thin. Very much different then Jackson. (My back still hurts from lugging him around!)
I love her little hands and her narrow little feet. She is in every way a little girl.

I am so blessed to have two such beautiful, fun, lively, engaging children! Will there be a third? Who knows? I just want to focus on how we are now as a family as I now know that time FLIES by, and within a blink of the eye, they are grown up.

The Birthday Party

So finally getting around to blogging again. It takes time. Blah. Anyway, so the party was great and I have some fun pictures and I was really happy with how the cakes turned out.

 

Jackson and Emma's Cakes. Dessert for all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was a fun and busy party and now we don't have to have another one for a YEAR! :)

Birthdays Galore!

So today is my birthday. 31 Wow. Didn't see that one coming.. :) It's fine and I finally go to have a fabulous date with my hubby on my birthday instead of being preggo or having a fight or being depressed. This is actually turning out to be the best birthday I've had in MANY years!

As for the kids, Jackson turns 3 April 8. And Emma on the 29th of April. Not to mention Dan on the 25th. So I am going to have one big party on the 20th so my Mom & Dad can be there.

The Cakes:

Jackson's Cake is going to be something like this:

So excited about this one, because it will be really easy and it will be really fun! And Jackson will LOVE IT!

Emma's will be something like this. 

I was going to do the multi colored cake on the inside too. 

And then I am going to make cheesecake for me! Oh and Dan too. :)

Posts I need to Post

I've been thinking of a few things I want to blog about and I keep putting it off, because when I finally get to sit down in front of a computer without kids running in and crying because I put them down, or I actually need to work and not waist time, or not being able to tare myself away from Bejeweled, I just don't have the mental energy for it.

But I will list the ones that I want to write so I don't forget the topics!

1. Letter to Jackson about the kind of man I want him to be.
2. Letter to Emma about the kind of woman I want her to be.
3. Updates on kiddos changing and becoming little people. 
4. 11 Months - Emma 

And  a lot more. Not to mention my mental status and the issues I am currently having. (That makes it sound like I am unstable... no. I am just irritable and bitchy at the world and having issues with a friend.) 

Emma Loo

Well, I hope she's teething because she is driving me NUTS! She wants to be held ALL. THE. TIME.
Which is a problem if you are trying to get anything done. And she is so STRONG willed! My word, the girl has a serious stubbornness issue. :) I wonder where she got that from?
I am trying to remember to just hold her, because she is only going to be a baby for a very short amount of time and then she is big forever.... so sad.... :( So let her be clingy and want to be held. She's a sweetie and a doll baby and I love her BUNCHES!
She is pulling herself up on EVERYTHING and getting into everything that she shouldn't and walking behind a chair pushing it along... Oh and she climbed up the stairs without me noticing. I showed her how a couple of days ago but she always wants me to carry her, so I haven't practiced much with her. And low and behold, she can do it just fine on her own. Scary child.

We went sledding yesterday with them both and it was so fun to go do something outside with our kids. I felt so joyful with the weather and the people I was with. I love my little family!

More of Jack

Tonight Dan started giving Jackson Emma's applesauce and I told him I wasn't finished with it, and he says, "What a minute! I have an idea! We can share!"

So cute. He is doing really well with going to the potty too. Though we had a poop episode yesterday. But he did go poop on the big potty the other day too, so he is making progress!  Hurrah!

10 Months Old!

This girl is 10 months old! Though technically she didn't have a 10 month birthday because of February.  :) 

She is a mover and a groover and has quite the attitude at times. She is a terror teether.. BLAH! Poor baby. She has two on the top and two on the bottom. She's been acting horrible recently so maybe more coming... 

She is 20 lbs and 13 oz with her clothes on and I need to measure her still. She is so much fun and loves her big brother more and more all the time. 

She has been pulling herself up on everything and getting very angry that she can't walk. 

She has a lot to say but not much that is understandable. She is eating big person food now. Suddenly last month she decided she was all done with mushy food and would have none of it. It's actually really nice to be able to give her food right from the table. 

She is only nursing twice a day and pretty soon I am going to try to give her goats milk to supplement the night time nursing. 

Still not much hair, but that will come eventually. She is on all day childcare two times a week and though I miss her, I can actually get work done! Yippe! 

Quotes of Jack

"Bye guys, I'm going into the closet to do dirty things."  - He said as he headed to the closet with some dirty safety glasses.

"It's my wrapper." - He said as he pulled his foreskin up over the tip of his penis."

"I just want to poop and pee on the floor." I said, "only yucky boys  go pee and poop on the floor." He responds, "I'm a yucky boy." - Nice, I'm not getting through.

A little story

Tonight I was peeling roasted garlic and it was kind of hot. I kept saying "ow!" And Jack, who was standing beside me puts his arms around me and says, "It's Ok Mommy, I'm here. I have you mommy." He kept putting his arm around me and telling me it was OK every time I said OW! So cute. :) love my boy!

Jackson

He is now peeing in the potty! Yippe! He has yet to actually sit down and poop in the potty,  but he stayed dry all day today. Even though he pooped in his pants twice, I still count that as a win!

He also told me that he was going to fall on me and squish me and then I wouldn't be able to say hi. :) Oh and I asked him if he wanted pee on the floor and he said yes. I asked him why and he said, "It's yellow and yummy and I like it.." Then grinned and laughed at how funny he is. What a strange child I have.

Emma pulled herself up today and by the look of it, she desperately wants to just walk. She's so aggressive it's amazing.
She is now nursing two times a day, because I was tired of getting chewed on. Literally. She bit me so hard last week that she not only broke the skin, but she cut me enough to leave a scab. Little twit.
So two times it is and she is loving the big girl food. She wants nothing to do with anything blended up. It's meat ball and noodles and bread and chicken for her all the way.

What a girl!

And we have some PEE!

Jackson actually and really peed on the potty today! So jazzed. He was giddy with excitement, jumping up and down while I clapped for him. Hopefully this is the beginning of potty training. It's the first sign on any interest or even toleration of the idea.
Another Jackson tidbit is the other day I was sitting down to the table and groaned because my quads were really sore from a work out. He was like, "What's wrong Mommy?" "I'm sore because of my work out." He looked up at me and started stroking my leg, saying, "that better Mommy?" I said yes and he  said, "I take care of you Mommy, and I take care of Daddy and Baby. I'm a nice boy..." It was so cute and genuine and sweet.
Love my boy!

Wow

I realized today that I wasn't writing down enough about Jack and Emma. I just forget all the funny things he says by the time I have time to get to the stupid computer. But I am going to try to do better. They will be teenagers before I know it... AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emma's 9 Months OLD!

Wow. At this point I don't really want to do any blogging.  Just sleep. She is sick and was up every 45 minutes all night and now she woke up 1.5 hrs before she was supposed to and woke up her brother. GREAT!

BUT, she is nine months old. She is clapping, waving, says Bye bye, Dada, Mama, Bubba, Emma, and other things. She is REALLY into screaming and I am waring against that one for sure. I hate screamers.

She has three teeth and one more popping through on the top. She normally nurses four times a day but I am trying to get her to drop the after nap one. I am doing this by moving her lunch time one to right before her nap. She is eating tons of stuff and today even had some ground meat and cottage cheese. Silly girl. She would have nothing to do with the blended food I had for her.

She is crawling all over the place. And getting into everything. Cords are her special interest. Oh and books of course. She is also always trying to pull herself up on everything. But she's not quite there. She also likes to get up on her toes into a push up sort of stance for some reason.

She is around 28 inches long, and 20 lbs with clothes on. She's long, but not that chubby. Nothing like Jackson was.

Emma Joy

Our girl is starting to crawl! Hurrah! She is so adorable! I don't know how we got so lucky to have such awesome little bunches.

She is also really starting to assert herself. It's going to be a chore curbing her temper. She is going on Childcare now and unfortunately, she has been sad and not wanting to be put down for all of her teachers.

I was hoping for a smooth transition, but it seems like we'll have to work a bit with this one.

She still only has the two teeth, which is really surprising but I am pretty sure that she is still working on the front two. I just wish they would finally pop through!

She can wave hi and bye and even kind of says it too. It's pretty cute. When I go and pick her up after her nap, she likes to give me big open mouth kisses. Slobbery, but very sweet. She is a snuggle bug at times too, though a lot more wiggly then I was expecting. She is still high rev, despite being a girl.  I will post a pic or two a little later.

Bubba's here

Emma was crying today and Jackson kept saying to her, "It's OK, Bubba's here baby." in the sweetest voice. So cute!
She is also saying Hi and Bye Bye and waving. It's amazing how quick she is. Still trying to get the crawling thing down and she get's really frustrated when she can't get to what she wants.

8 Months Old!

This little ham is 8 months old! She is as sweet as can be. Though she does have a temper...... it's kind of cute actually, but I will still come down on her. :) She is able to sit up all by herself now without falling over every two seconds. She can get from her belly onto her knees and rock a bit, scoot backwards and get into a sitting position. She is also babbling away. She can make bbababab, daddddaa and papapapa sounds. She is a thumb sucker all the way. No more nuk. She'll have none of it.
She is nursing four times a day, though I think she will probably drop the 5:00 one pretty soon. In one way, I can't wait to ween her, but in another way that means she'll be 1 year old!
She is weighing in at 19.5 lbs and is about 28 inches long. She's the best girl a Mama could ask for and I'm so thankful she's my baby Emma.