20th Blog

Well here is a celebration. My 20th blog post. Also yesterday Dan and I hit the halfway marker. I hate walking it out. I really do. It is SO frustrating! I just want to yell sometimes. It doesn't matter how many times you can past the blasted test, you still have to face it again the next day. I love Danny dearly and will marry him and sure as anything, but I am SO all done with having to fight every minute of every moment with him to keep my hands off him, and keep his off me. It's SO IRRITATING!!!!! We do only have another six months till our year is up, but then there is still another five until we get to the alter. But I the thing is I do want to do this right and please God and have that blessing on our relationship. I just forget that occasionally. But at least we have to fight together. If nothing else, it will teach us that. To fight for what we know is right, though it is completely the opposite of what we want. Grr. On a happier note, we had the most amazing conversation the other night. I won't get into all the details, but the overview is that he want's into places that I've kept very guarded. I never new what an introvert I was until he started trying to get through the walls. I've built a lot because of being hurt. And then there is the whole thing of not wanting to seem weak, and a pushover.. I've definitely over compensated for it. We both ended up sobbing and I've never felt so open and naked in front of someone. But it was so good because I know that I can trust him. It's awesome to see a relationship growing and becoming deeper. It's very exciting. Anyway, this week was one of much emtion. Lot's of trauma. The Ekstroms leaving sort of put the cherry on top of it all. I am still dealing with anger about it. Then there is always the whole tragic thing with Patrick and Erika and Chris and Cara. It's very sad to see them in their current states of hardship. I feel very much for Chris and Cara, but you know that this will either make their relationship, or it will prove it isn't the right one. I hope that it's the first not the latter. Andway, I will now stop and return to work. I might need to come back soon, though.. my mind is still heavy.